Fear and flying

When I went to Kindergarten I was scared. I didn’t want my mom to leave and clung to her with a death grip. The unknown was terrifying for a sheltered and sensitive kid. I am no stranger to fear. Yet, once in, I admit, I absolutely loved Kindergarten! What could be more fun for a budding creative? Surrounded by primary colors, playmates, daily coloring, arts & crafts, song & dance, what a great way to live!

In grammar school it was the same. I was scared initially until I made a friend. This kid I knew from Kindergarten spotted me and said: "come sit by me”. Then, I was home. I found sanctuary and was able to thrive. I had an amazing education. I had kind, dynamic nuns as teachers who encouraged me endlessly. I even won a speech contest in 7th grade. Because I felt loved, I was able to conquer fear.

On into my undergrad life… I remember I was reading “Feel the Fear & do it Anyway” by Susan Jeffers. What an excellent book that is! My biggest fear at the time (and what I most wanted) was to take an acting class and a playwriting class. I read that book obsessively and did all the exercises and affirmations. I signed up for both classes.

I remember vividly the day I got up in front of the writing class to read my first written monologue. I was trembling so hard you could see my hands shaking and knees wobbling. I wished the ground would swallow me whole.

Then I got up and did my first monologue in acting class. I was trembling hard and red in the face. One of my classmates screamed out: “we love you Marina!” That was the turning point. My classmates became dear friends.

My teacher was lovely, generous and her motto was: “be willing to fail gloriously”.

The love I received melted away my fear. I knew instinctively that ‘being loved anyway’, even if I blew it, was the antidote to fear. Daily doses of kindness and learning to be that kind in my self talk, while building a collection of “do it anyway “ moments, transformed me. By the time I graduated I was the speaker at the commencement. I began to see that my sensitive nature was a gift once it was bubble wrapped in love.

Love and kindness is just that powerful 💕

With love & light, Marina